I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
