I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
