I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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