He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just invented taco cereal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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