A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
