i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
