I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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