my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
