So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
