So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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