so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
