she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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