I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
