My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
