I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
