I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
