I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
