Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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