After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
