Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
