Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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