i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
