Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
