No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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