I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
