wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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