I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
