Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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