Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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