8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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