One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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