last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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