If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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