Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
