1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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