you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
