He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
