ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
