We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
