Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
