i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
