hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
