If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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