woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
