Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
