Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
