I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
