There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
