I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
