just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
